Black Cloud Reigning.

Yet another broken endeavor. Boy, I sure know how to pick 'em.

I think I'm going to start recording tomorrow; I need to do something to get out all of this shit in my head. After tonight, it's just getting worse. Cycles cycles cycles...

This is a sign. Of what, I'm not sure. Maybe that's where my life is destined to go? Who knows. Christ I hope not. I'd prefer not to deal with that kind of stuff until the day I die.

This mentality can't be healthy. Then again, nothing in my life really seems to be. Mentally or physically. I really need to get in to shape. At least I've started excercising a little more. Always good to get the heart pumping and what have you.

Tonight was a bust. I should have just gone with original plans and not followed through with this crap. Idiocy...

Tomorrow I'm breaking out and breaking in that motherfucking microphone. My, my, it shall be glorious.

Chaos on the horizion, hurrah.

A Dreamer Who Is Too Weak To Face Up To.

Oh Christ. History repeating itself, when the first runaround isn't even done yet. Well, at least I know the warning signs when I see them; this isn't going to happen.

I am so exhausted. Last night was tiring, in multiple ways. Friends, Romans, and countrymen, all demanding I lend them my ears, instead of vice versa. Everyone has a problem, everyone needs to vent to the barkeep. And I just keep serving drinks...

Someday I'll get out of this endless loop. Maybe. Over and over, call and return, call and return. I've just got to find the right catalyst to jettison me from here to there.

My well's running dry, and my think-tank empty. God, is anyone else sick of all the metaphors in this post yet?

Oh wait..no one else reads this. I forgot.

Acid Police.

I should really probably eat. It's been...probably almost twenty-four hours since the last time I consumed anything solid. But I know any attempts will probably be in vain. I have no appetite.

Goddamn those words stung last night. Especially this beautiful couplet:

If I do it now, it'll hurt for a little bit/
But if we stay together it's just going to hurt forever.

Ouch. If that's not a plea for a break-up, subconciously or not, I don't know what is.

Teeny Shiny.

I've never had a book (or any other media, for that matter) get to me as much as Battle Royale has.

It's a fairly simple premise. A Japanese class of forty-two students are put on an island and forced to kill one another until there is only one left. Survival of the fittest at its core.

But the author takes pays such painstaking detail to the minds of the kids involved; giving all of them backstories, ulterior motives for why they act how they do; nearly every student is given a detailed background so that the reader can really understand what's going through each character's head.

I'm nearing the end of the book, and the section I just finished really got to me. One of the somewhat main characters (most characters are given a few chapters, though there are some that get far more), Hiroki, as spent the entire day and a half (chronicled through five hundred pages) scouring the island he's on trying to find a female classmate, Kayoko. Throughout the novel, it's never revealed why he's so desperately trying to find her. Everyone assumes that he'd be looking for his best friend/supposed girlfriend, Takako, whom he does find (and dies in his arms), but his real goal is Kayoko. He finally finds her, and she freaks out, due to paranoia and exhaustion, and runs from him. He chases her down, she turns and shoots him, in the chest.

After she realizes what she's done, she runs to him. He explains in his dying breaths that there's a way to escape the island. But the real reason he was after her, that he braved the fear of death for all that time...

Was simply to tell her that he loved her.

She had no idea, until she reflected upon it right after he died. Little things he had done for her suddenly became all the more clear.

Hiroko didn't sleep, didn't eat, was stabbed in the shoulder, the stomach, and shot twice (not counting the fatal wound Kayoko deals him). All just to tell a girl who had no clue that he loved her.

Corny? Definitely. But it touched me, none-the-less.

Then, she was killed by one of the main 'villians' of the novel, on top of Hiroko's corpse, weeping.

A fitting end, I suppose.