And I Don't Wanna Stop.

I've got a hunger, twisting my stomach into knots.

Can't sleep. No, that's inaccurate. WON'T sleep. Sleep leads to a kind of depression lately that I simply cannot deal with. forty hours and still going, woo.

I think I want to die. It's a short pier it's a long walk

Home.

Home? Ha.

They say that

Home

Is where the

Heart

Is

But when you can't even find

That

Where are you supposed

To go?

Hell knows where your heart would be today.

Maybe with me?

Doubtful (feels like I'm already failin', sounds like I'm preachin' the choir) though. I can barely stand to be alive. I think I might actually be suicidal.

Worse yet, I think I WAS suicidal, and have now progressed to such a state of depression and apathy that I don't care if I'm alive.

It's not as if I have any grand affect on anyone anyways.

Sure, there's those of you that

Say

I have some sort of impact on you, that things just

Wouldn't Be The Same

If I was

Gone (you're gone you're gone you're gone you're gone)

But in the grand

Scheme of things

How much do I matter

Really?

(It ain't me babe. I'm not the one you pray for, I'm not the one you seek.)

Hunger. Knots.

Hunger is such a foreign thing, at this point. In all regards.

I only eat when I feel like I'm going to pass out.

I only have sex (sex is not love is not sex is not love is not sex IS. NOT. LOVE.) when I'm forced to.

I just go through the motions day in and day out (I did it for love [is not sex is not love is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not isnot isnot isnot isnot isnotisnotisnotisnotisnot ANYTHING AT ALL])

I'm a zombie, a robot, some preprogrammed thing with no emotion.

But that's not quite accurate. I used to have emotion. It's just all been drained from me.

By you [insecurities and complications]

and you [indecision and backpedaling]

and you [lies, harlotry, more lies]

and you [rebounding self-doubt and guilt]

and you [so sweet it burns]

and (most recently) you [you haven't even done anything, it's all in my head]

Good things die

All the time

God bless your black [cloud reigning, black cloud reigning, black cloud] heart

But vengeance? It's never, ever mine