This Is The New Age?

It's a funny thing.

This sensation is so foreign, but not unwelcome in the slightest. It's almost as if I'm newly born into these emotions. I'm sure I've had them in the past, but it's been such a long time that they might as well have never happened.

Hope isn't the right word. Now it's know. Or maybe understand. The word or words themselves are irrelevant; the emotion and feeling behind them is what matters.

Looking to the future now. For once. Still living in the present, but planning ahead; waiting all the while. Funny how fast things can change, revert, then re-revert. Enough to make my head spin.

Spinning in circles? So boring. So many other exciting ways to spin.


Forget everything I said about walking on the stars, about drawing constellations, about starring in a movie together; all of that, just forget it. It isn't fashion, not anything close, but it also isn't important; it isn't part of now. It isn't something that needs to be retraced or retold; we can simply move on to better things.

It's funny how foolish things can seem, in retrospect. How affordable enlightenment can be.

You'll never understand any of this; you never could, you never, ever will. And that makes me so incredibly content. Case closed.


I don't need hope, or reassurance, or proof, or anything like that. I know it all in my heart. And that's really frightening.


But I'm beyond fear, now.

It's A Funny Thing, This Moment.

Maybe I've been wrong all this time
Maybe my views were
Misguided
Or maybe my first inceptions just turned out to be correct
Because something is amiss here, something is
Wrong, something is impure
But everyone is silent, everything is
Dead and without meaning all of a sudden
Or perhaps it's all so full of meaning I just can't
Take it all in
I probably shouldn't have gone down that
Path, that road so many times beaten
With its cracks in the pavement and its
Grass in the cracks
But it's familiar, as unpleasant as it may seem
Trodding down that old road, on my way to
Who knows where
Maybe I'm just walking down this same old path
Expecting it to suddenly veer to the left or
To the right
But knowing, deep down, that it's always going to keep heading straight ahead
On and on, never
Ending, never
Beginning, just one big
Circle
I shouldn't have gone down that path
Not this time
I should have made a left on Fifty-sixth or maybe
Thirty-eighth
But now it seems as though it's too late
Though I suppose only time will tell
For sure
Give me a sign, Time
Let me know if I can get off this path, if I can
Retrace my steps
And find my way back
To that peaceful road.

Hope's Rise.

Everything is irritating me right now. Everything and everyone.

Except for you. I think of you and I feel calm. Except at the same time I'm worried, nervous. Afraid that I'm chasing after something that isn't really there, even though it appears to be right in front of me.

I need to stop being so paranoid, and I need to just accept that for once things are going to be alright. That things ARE alright.


You're just so amazing. So...pristine. I can look at you and feel at home. Everything feels right.

These are such simplistic terms, and they don't do you justice in the slightest, but the proper words won't come to me. Not in any way that would make any sense, at least.

If I can just make it through now, if I can make it through this dead space, make it to a better time, everything will be fine. I won't have these silly, pointless doubts, I won't have this paranoia, these fleeting fears. I'll have the reassurance that I shouldn't really need in the first place.

You're such a good person. So much better than me, and so much more than I could ever deserve. But nonetheless, if you're willing to give yourself, I'm more than willing to have the honor of knowing you, of touching you, of kissing you. Of holding you just like I've said, and knowing you feel just the same. Some day.

Until then I just have to shake these fears. I can do it. No, wait.

We can do it.