The Night Is So Cold Without You.

Well this is a change of pace.

That date I marked for myself is quickly approaching. And it just may be fulfilled, with the way things are working.



Let me look into your eyes and know that gaze is true.
I already know it, but really, I just want to look into your eyes.
I'd love a piercing stare, but I'd settle for even a passing glance.
Just to see that glimmer, for that split second.
On and on and on.
There's something about it, about you.
Maybe it's the way you word things, maybe it's the things you don't say.
But this time, I know I'm not putting stock into things that aren't there.
I know I'm not putting stock in fashion.
This is real. Or at least, as real as something can be, from halfway around the globe.
Sometimes I wonder why these things come so easily when written down.
And yet, to speak them, I stutter and stumble, trying to string it together.
Maybe it's a matter of medium.
You'll know it, one way or another. Whether you read it here or I whisper it in your ear.
And yet that whisper is so much harder than committing it to eternal text.
It's irrelevant.
All that matters is that it's true. I can't hold back anymore.
I won't let myself hold back anymore, because that is always the failure in my design: holding back.
I drew up some new blueprints, thanks to your help.
I hope you like them.
This probably seems silly and trivial, and maybe it is, but in this moment it seems so important.
You have that key.

Let me say that again.

You. Have. That. Key.

That might not make sense to you. I don't really expect it to, to be honest. But it's a very important thing to me. More important than all the sounds and sights in the world. And I can't think of another person I would rather have it.

I thought it was lost forever. As it turns out, it really was just misplaced.

Where did I put it?

I didn't put it anywhere. It figured out exactly where it needed to be.

Just this once, I'll end this a little differently, because this is something I can explain.

You have that key. And if you don't understand what that means, then please, please ask me.

I'm On My Feet, I'm On The Floor, I'm Good To Go.

Are you gonna waste your time?
No, I'm not.
Then what are you doing?
Focusing. I have to focus for this to work.
For what to work?
Never mind that. I just need to focus.



Sometimes I realize just how different I am. Or maybe it's just how similar everyone else is.

Forget the hype, and the words. It's all fashion.
I think I love the word fashion as much as I loathe the word circumstance.


I need something to make this real. Though it might already be there, and I'm just to blind to notice it. Wouldn't be the first time.


Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and on and on. Cycles of repeating patterns, numbers, letters, fractalized shapes and colors. No matter how much I enjoy chaos, I still need a bit of order.

I had another perfect moment. What's that line? 'The most perfection anyone can hope for is a moment.' I need to sit in that eternal self-made palm. I'm not thinking of vampires, and I certainly don't want to live forever.

But is it such a crime to want to live, period? I don't need neverending hapiness, I don't need perfection or anything like that. Perfection can only exist amidst imperfection, so if everything is always perfect, then it's really quite the opposite.

I know when you look at me in that certain way, it'll be all over. And no matter how much I claim it hasn't already happened, I'm pretty sure it has.

I think this time I really did create something out of nothing. And I didn't even try. Which is why it's so much more important. It's not a synthetic thing; it was natural. Ebb and flow.

There's no point in turning to face it, because I'm always surrounded by it.

All my old patterns seem to be breaking, only to be replaced by new, foreign ones. I'm not sure I know how to feel about that.

Good things come to those who wait. Or so it's claimed. So the longer one waits, the better things that will come, correct? I think that's right.

If I can put this much trust into a person...no, that's not right. If I can put this much trust into you, it must mean something. I don't trust easily, not anymore. So that makes it all the more important.

I'm not waiting. I'm focusing.
I'm not wasting. I'm realizing.

These past few weeks have been very reflective and eye-opening. That's how I know I'm not wasting.

I still don't believe in fate, I don't think. But I believe in...something. Maybe that was all I needed.

Fashion is not a bad thing. But I'm glad I've cut back on it.

I guess I have to figure out now what replaces fashion.

Though I think I already know.
It's half a world away, a day ahead into the future. And a big risk.
But I know. Unlike the you's of the past, you're not a bauble or a trinket. You're not fashion, you're not some distraction or a second-thought or a maybe-but-I'm-not-sure.

You're a possible future. One that I'm more than willing to wait for.

And more importantly, one I'm willing to change for.