I Always Believed In Futures.

I'm in a bad place.

I miss my old life. Parts of it I can never reclaim, though I suppose that's just part of growing up.

Endless static decay.

It's the decay that's really bothering me. I'm trapped in this rut of a cycle. There's nothing good here. I wonder if I can even make it to October.

And even if I do, where am I gonna go? Most avenues are closed off to me, at this point. I'm sure I'll be able to find somewhere. Or at least, I hope.

Anywhere would be better than here. Even a couch, with no personal space of my own. At least then I'd have some FREEDOM. Now I'm nothing more than a slave to other's wants and needs, and I just can't do it anymore.

I'm wondering if a day will come where I'll finally just snap. Tell them all to fuck off and leave me alone, take my shit and leave. It would be wonderful.

But I doubt it'll happen. I'm too much of a throw-rug.

I think this fate may be worse than the one you left for me. I should have kept that piece of wire around my wrist. That bitter, bitter reminder. Even though I was trapped in my emotions, at least I had the freedom to go where I wanted, when I wanted. At least I had a life, even if a large part of it was dedicated to hating you and what you'd done to me.

It was better than this.

Anything is better than this.

Just a few more months.

I can do it, I have to. I don't have any choice.

Hopefully I'll have the guts required to end this when the time comes. Hopefully I'll get out of here and move on.

Move on to what, though?

There's no hate here, not really. No real disdain or hurt towards you. It's not like with her, where I had something to hold on to, something to push me forward. When the time comes, I'll just be wandering without any real purpose. I'm ok with that, but I don't know what I'll do to fill up that void.

But someone always comes along.