When You Said You Loved Me, Did You Really Love Me?

I think I lied. I do have more to say, there just aren't words for any of it.

Dancing around issues today. Tried to bring it up, but it was dually ignored, and noted, on my part.

I wish I had words to properly explain this feeling. Biologically, it's in my 'gut', but in all honesty, it's most definitely my heart. It feels strained, and worn down. I feel like it's ready to collapse at any minute. I've felt like this for at least the past two or three days. It isn't a pleasant feeling, in the slighest. But I can't get rid of it. Not until things have been properly set into place.

Sometimes, even I don't know what to say. That's probably what would occur in that situation, even if it is so brightly clear in my head. Even if it did happen (though I know it won't, because things just don't work like that), and even if I did get the right words out, it probably wouldn't have any effect.

God this weight is heavy on my heart. Every day it seems to sink a little deeper. Or maybe I'm telling myself that, to give myself a reason, an exscuse. But I won't let it come to that. I'm going to ride this out, goddammit. Even if it means the death of me.

Especially if it means the death of me.


Or did it just slip out, like drool on my pillow?